I think therefore i am [essentially doomed]

All the posts have been impersonal so this one will have a little more ‘me’ in it. Oh joy. The last few days have been rough and I don’t really know where my head is, both emotionally and with work. I want to work but like everyone I’ve spoken to on my course there is a great sense of apathy in me. Not only that but I have the attention span of a goldfish and in this house that will be the end of me.
I am also having trouble saying things, articulating myself. Everything comes out wrong or seems to and disaster strikes. I try and explain myself and mind working but it just seems to become like some alwful stain spreading itself. I wish I didn’t open my mouth.

“Whereof one cannot speak, thereof one must be silent” – Wittengstein

He was right, he may have back tracked on that later in terms of philosophy and aesthetics but when it comes to common sense, and making life easy, yes Belle should be quiet! When I can’t formulate a sentence, my attempts to do so are what get me in the shit. It’s as though I just pick words to fill the spaces in desperate attempts and then I look back and think ‘God you were chatting crap’
I was happy for a while but my over analytical mind got bored of simple and decided to screw into itself again. So now I am miserable, great.

But I like Wittengstein, a lot. He died right before he even managed to finish his theory which in itself could have perhaps solved philosophy and answered all questions. It’s even his fault because he got a little too ahead of himself and decided he had solved everything before he had even touched the essence of the answer. But I like that. He seemed pretty brave, and acknowledged his mistakes in the long term.

Therefore I will now state that our Aesthetics lecture was not a complete waste.
I felt it went slightly too fast and most of the first part I had a previous grasp on, it was just that my doing R.S. at A level had put such ideas into the light of ‘religion’ when really what these gents were chatting about was aestheticism; ideals and how we have achieved the ability to believe them.
But it was lovely to go back to philosophy after it’s long absence in my life. I’ve missed it. I’ve taken a book out from the library [I was the first to take it out as it’s new c: ] and it is about art philosophy and beauty. It’s a very big book and a little scary but it’s going  to aid my project  little in terms of research and it will definately help my essay. Which I have vaguely chosen the title of.
“Has the notion of beauty been lost today’s contemporary art?”
Or something like that?  Again better words are needed. My tutor suggested “Beauty and Sublime” but that could just be too easily from an article. I know what it’s about though which is good and the main thing. I’ll base my argument on the idea of Anti aestheticism and the concept of beauty making a ‘come back’ but not as we know it, rather in concept, time, detailing etc, whilst comparing a few artists. I’ll be bias and pick ones I love. Haha.
I’m quite excited. This essay really could be good if I get on it for the full … 4 weeks. God that’s not long enough when you have to do PPD as well. Balls. Oh well I will have to, this needs to be epic!! Bajesus. There’s so much work to do and no time.

Oh i need a pet to make me smile again and de-stress me.

Invasion of new premises

Paul Mccarthy

This is the first of what will hopefully be many blog posts on my shiny new Macbook, otherwise known as Magpie.

This post will be shortish and sweetish too.
This last week has been a bugger for work, it’s not for want of inspiration, if anything I have too many ideas rolling around my head and I need to let them free. My downfall is that I try to ‘over organise’ and then daunt myself with the lists I build rather just getting on and doing it. It isn’t even real organisation because when I comes down to it I still hold abysmal time keeping skills and find the minutes running out. Not only this but with the lack of inspiration to be found in our course studio due to so many absentees, i have chosen to invade the space of the lovely Fashion Students which is nice, to not feel so solitary for once.

So as of this week I devised my ‘To do list” which in theory may seem like nothing but for me to tackle it and do what I’m meant to without procrastinating will mean everything. I’m broke after spending my last few pennies on My new Diana F+ alongside 2 lenses [Oh yes yes yes] and 5 new art books inevitably that will be featured here, so I suppose I will just be staying in a lot from now on. That doesn’t scare me, I genuinely do want to just work, I just wish I could be like other artists I know who have the ability to get the engine up and running [insert forlorn face here] I am frustrated.

Anywho after this post will follow some work posts, finally. But for now this is my consideration of the work of Paul Mccarthy.

In one small word.. Vile.

The films, and their stills make for my feeling of physical sickness, I’m not entirely sure whether I hate it or just feel a small aesthetic dislike to it, thus posing a question of why I would write an entire post about his work? Well as much as I don’t revel in the feeling of physical discomfort at the sight of something in this circumstance I find it slightly fascinating. Fascinating because of the works ability to actually cultivate such a feeling in me that no other art has managed. Although Mccarthy’s work bears little beauty that deep rooted anti aesthetic is most relevant to my own work. Through the use of subject matter, materials and compositions his performance art creates a sense of claustrophobia, putrid acts, environments and characters close us into dark realities. The situations may seem surreal but his work stands as a symbol for truer, darker political realities that exist in our day-to-day lives.

The discomposure of the physical acts here is something I seek to translate into the physicality of my own sculptures.

Equally important is this element of performance is crucial to my researching his work, as the further I go on the more emphasis I feel on this project revolving not around the physicality of the objects themselves but the involvement of them in my own reality.

Here are a few examples of his work...

BabyBoy 1982

BabyBoy2 1982

Olive Oil 1998

Meat cake 2, odd fellows temple, Pasadena, CA 1978

Unknown

Hotdog 1974